25 November 2008

i have to take a crap right now. i'm probably not gonna do it til i get home from work, but that doesn't mean the feeling doesn't exist. i get a sense of accomplishment when i do things like that. hold-offs til later. there's nothing better than deucing dans la maison.
speaking of french, i was eating fries yesterday from wendy's. i will probably poop it into the eau de toilette.
speaking of, me n russ got cologne for my lil bro, nick_hotpawz, yesterday. he's twenty. ahahahahahahahahahha ahahaha old bastard.

20 July 2004

this ones short.
first of all, let me just say that Anchorman rules!
secondly, Anchorman rules!
yeah, i havent laughed that much at rediculosity since Wet Hot American Summer. good stuff.
i was googling reviews for the movie and i noticed it's kick-ass to some people, and ass-kickable to others. weird. thats nothing against the nay-sayers to this type of humour, either. i just think they're missing out on all the fun, is all. guess its a matter of taste then. i tasted deliciousness.

30 June 2004

So I just downloaded the ENTIRE Billboard Top 100 of 1998. Which, if all of us (well, at least me, Wes, Deej, and Nex) remember, was our high school grad year. It took me on a fantasy ride into the past. It was a tad really depressing. Fuck, was life sweet in 98. There was the Mustang, there was Nex and his Swift, there was Tec, it even reminds me of Jennifer Daeninck. I haven't said that name in a while. It's weird, because every song reminds me of something. Like "Ghetto Superstar", which reminded me of those homos at Sisler who played that song NON FUCKING STOP during the track meet. From 9 am until 4 pm, it was Pras and Mya: Repeat One. Or "Come With Me" by P. Diddy (nee Puff Daddy) and Jimmy Page, which reminded me of the Drive-in when we saw Godzilla, and it marked the first time ever me and Wes were determined to NOT fall asleep during Godzilla, just so we knew the entire movie sucked. No one could be like, "Oh, you fell asleep during the best part!!" like everyone was with eXistenZ and the bone gun.

But you know what the shittiest thing was? Do you know what the number one song of 1998 was? In a year that had "My Heart will go On", "I don't wanna miss a thing", and a host of songs from various boy bands like 5ive, Hanson and Mase, the number one song is fucking "Too Close" by Next. That's so weak. When someone asks me "What was the number one song the year you graduated?" I have to say, "Ummm, it was 'Too Close' by Next". Wow.

18 June 2004

I just got back from celebrating the fact that Karl Malone will never EVER win a NBA title. Sweet Jesus I love it. I don't rememeber the last time I felt more alive when I saw Karl "I never win" Malone on the bench in street clothes. The icing on the cake was when they interviewed Derek Fisher after the game and he was on the verge of crying. Yes I've had many nights filled with sweet dreams after the Lakers lost. I just hate the Lakers that much, even more so with Karl Malone on their roster. So my hate list goes like this

1. Karl Malone
2. L.A. Lakers
3. The Devil

Although I bet the first 2 on my list is in cahoots with number 3, those fucking bastards love to stick together.

Well I should be getting back to something resembling work.

P.S. Die Karl Malone

16 June 2004

With football season FINALLY started there is a new fantasy football league I have a private league set up so anyone who wants to join send me an email


it is thru fsn.ca/cfl but I will send you alink to sign up directly to my league

and HAHAHAHAHAHA Lakers suck big hairy monkey arse

Wes, I found the site that should help us in our new-found venture. I think the first thing I'm going to build is a stand for my current aquarium, and then a small tank/stand set for the other side of my living room. Maybe that's what I'll start my saltwater tank on.

15 June 2004

First, I wanna give a huge thanks to Shaner and Wes for the b-day gifts, which I totally was not expecting. But combined, the two of you made me spend like $60 on shelving - to house the extra speakers, and to create a shrine to the Dolphins, which now includes the beer stein and plaque, as well as the bobblehead doll you gave me for housewarming/birthday last year.

Speaking of those speakers, because I only have one headphone jack, I went to CBIT to see what I can do about it. I figured I had two options: either get a splitter and have five speakers deliver 2-channel stereo, or fork over some change for an external sound card. So some fucking Asian dude comes up to me and asks me if I need any help. So I tell him I got these speakers as a gift, and I just wanted to know what I can do to hook them up to my laptop. The guy gives me this arrogant fucking look and says, "That's why you don't try and get surround sound with a laptop." Then he proceeds to bash my system of choice. Then, the motherfucker has the audacity to try and sell me a new PC, not 60 seconds after he just insulted me. The problem with places like Computer Boulevard is that you need a ridiculous amount of computer knowledge to be able to do the job. Unfortunately, 98% of the people with that knowledge have no discernable social skills to speak of. Fucking dorks. I just wanted to kick the living shit out of that guy so he could remember how it felt to be in high school again, where there wasn't a counter and security cameras between you and some guy you thought you were better than just cause you have a PC.

Wow, now that I'm done with the tirade, here's the good news: when I went to get hooked up with Shaw Extreme today, I asked hem about NFL Sunday Ticket. They said they don't have a price yet, but that it should be in the $20 a month range. Which, of course, settles it: I WILL have NFL Sunday Ticket. So if you're in the mood to watch the Dolphins, or the Falcons (or at least ONE Falcon), or, God forbid, some shitty team like the Seahawks or the Packers, come on down. And don't worry, there's a corner store right across the street from my place, in case you forgot your Pro-Line.

09 June 2004

What a run for Calgary!

Here's the question..do the Flames actually have a good team, or are they the next Capitals/Hurricanes/Ducks? Assuming there is going to be a season next year, will the Flames amke any noise again, or will it be back to Detroit/Colorado/Dallas making it out of the west?

08 June 2004

the fun has just begun.

..one of the greatest captions. i cant name another picture with a power quote that memorable.
we were at sleeps at your house, nex. and we had our powdered iced teas. and our e-feds. and our midis. and we had to delete the midis as we got them to save hard disk space.
then we came across that pile of diskettes in the drawer with what seemed like hundreds of naked ladies doing naked things. there was that one girl who was topless by a pool, with the sexiest face, and the bikini-tanned boobs. i'll never forget her. i wanted to marry her right then and there. i still do.
so anyway, we looked at the nakeds. all of them. but one of those diskettes stood out from the rest. i think it was red, with the leftovers of a label being peeled off it. you should check the drawer, you might still have it. if you do happen across that disk, you can re-live the shock of seeing a human hand being devoured by a human anus. gobbled up, even. to the knuckle. oh and dont forget the caption.

legendary jpeg??

Why is it that The Blue bombers will never keep a canadian quarterback? They cut Tom Denison for Brian Stallworth and Taman said it is the hardest decsion he had to make.... it would not have been so hard if he KEPT Denison.

Yep, not too bad a debut for the boys in blue and gold. But let's be honest for a sec: if Calgary's offence, which had ALL of it's starters in except for Darnell McDonald, can't even score on a defence where NOT ONE regular starter even went to Calgary, much less played, I think that says less about our scouting, and more about what kind of trouble they're in in Stampeder-land. I feel bad for Matt Dunigan, because as of right now, he's not only their coach and GM, he's also the best quarterback they've got.

The guys who really stood out for me, aside from Jon Ryan and Travis Ortega, were defensive end Tom Canada and linebacker Tony Ortiz. Look for the Bombers to try and deal either Terry Ray or Lamar McGriggs now that Ortiz has shown he's the real deal. We could maybe package together Stan Jackson and one of those two for a defensive end or a Canadian O-Lineman from either BC or Hamilton, where they have some quarterbacking issues.

On another note, happy belated Bees to best friend Wes Sayas. How does two-four feel? Same as the last three, where we predict that this is the year where "the fun has just begun"? Yep, Nick, we STILL talk about that now-legendary jpeg.

Now that all of this hoopla with the Flames has died down, and now that they'll join Anaheim, Florida and Carolina as magical Cinderella stories that captured the hearts of millions, only to fall just short and be totally forgotten about three months later, I think it's okay for me to air my true feelings about the Flames. I said they would make the Cup final. I said that Calgary had the best goalie in the West in Mikka, and that Jarome was the leader they needed. I thought that Vancouver had some holes, and that if they got past Vancouver, it was on to Detroit who was showing their age late in the season, and then probably Colorado, where I thought Mikka could outshine Aebischer. That being said, I never really cheered for the Flames. I was a total Jets fan in the 90's, an Oiler fan in the 80's. And as Smythe Division rivals, there was ONLY one thing Jets and Oiler fans had in common: you both hated the Flames. And you both hated the Canucks. That's why I couldn't really cheer for them, cause I've been a Flames hater for like 18 of my 23 years on earth. It's also why I don't cheer for the Moose. Cause any player that becomes awesome becomes a Canuck. Fuck the Canucks.

06 June 2004

Well here we go the season has officially started and all I can say is WOW.

A rookie-laden squad rolls into Calgary and rolls ove a team filled with veterans. Many great preformances by many rookies but the two players that stood out were Jon Ryan who scored 23 of the 29 points the Blue scored. With a punting average of 53.5 yards on 8 punts including two thundering booms of 81 yards and 72 yards. After missing his first field goal attempt from 35 yards he then went on to kicked field goals from 25, 27, 36, 44, 37 and 31 yards.
The second was Travis Ortega who had one interception and two fumble recoveries.

As for the quarterback situation all qb's that played had an alright night Kevin Glenn had a shaky start having trouble getting into the groove but ended his day 5-14 with 61 yards , Brian Stallworth completed 4 of 9 for 56 yards but the one that stood out the most was rookie quarterback Tom Denison who threw for four of six for 46 yards.

But even tho it is only the first pre-season and first game of the year the bombers offence still had some trouble scoring points. With 9 turnovers they only scored one touchdown a one yard plunger by Chris Cvetkovich.

The Offence has alittle work to do in order to score when it counts but is coming along nicely. The Defence has picked up exactly where it left off(before the playoffs) last year execpt this time around with younger players.

After tonight at 11 pm (bomber time) the roster must be cut down to 50 players so look back tonight for a full report on who has been cut. The next Bomber game is June 10 at CanadInn Stadium against the B.C Lions kick off at 7:30 pm.

On an un-related note... R.I.P Ronald Reagan Who passed away yesterday at the age of 93.

Ronald Reagan

28 May 2004

Here's something I've been waiting for!!

Please, PLEASE don't suck ass!!

I don't know about the whole Andy Kaufman thing... on the one hand, why would he reveal himself through a blog? The greatest prank of all-time should be revealed on a national stage, like on Conan O'Brien or between episodes of American Idol. Then again, anything "conventional" doesn't apply to Mr. Kaufman, so in a way it makes perfect sense. I don't know, I'm just waiting for Tupac Shakur to tell everyone he faked his death, and was really the new, thinner Missy Elliott. And the old, heavy Missy Elliott is really Ja Rule... and the real Ja Rule is dead. Very, very dead.

yeah, man. my plecko poos all the time. it comes out in ropes and gets tangled in my trees so i gotta change/clean my filter every week or so.
my plecko's a champ though. i bought two of them when i first got my tank. it was a really small tank too, i think like 3 litres. so yeah, i named them No Name 1 and No Name 2. i saluted No Name 1 into the toilet maybe a couple months later. i was pretty sad that i only had one suckerdude left. next thing i know, i see my survivor suckin on the glass and theres a crazy burn on his chest. proportional to the human torso, it would span a big circle in the area between your nipples and your belly button. it turns out he took a liking to feeding off my tank heater. i was seeing his innards like he had a window on his belly. i thought he was a for sure goner, but id wake up everyday surprised to see him still going on strong. the wound has healed and No Name 2 has a faint battle scar on his body which is now the length of my entire hand. he's my favorite fish, except for the poo factor.

25 May 2004

Andy Kaufman is back baby!



This guy says he is Andy and that he faked his own death and returned 20 years later...just like he said he would back in the day.

Is he the real deal...I sure hope so. Something like this would be CRAZY. And who knows, maybe Elvis, JFK and Marilyn are together on some island hanging with the Aliens.

18 May 2004

How about those Lakers!?!?

17 May 2004

I found a picture of two of the fish I own:

They're called Cobalt Blue Zebras, and they're pretty sweet. They're super aggressive, though, and the big one keeps chasing the little one around. Luckily, the small one is pretty fast, and the big one is REALLY FUCKING DUMB. The small one will just go through a hole in the rocks, and then the big one can't fit, and will spend like five minutes looking for the small one, who hasn't moved at all.

Wes, what kind of fish do you have in your tank? And do your plecos poo up a storm, or is it just because there's so much algae in my tank, and he's feasting?

Tell us a tale of your tank, and then I'll tell you all about mine! I'm totally geeking over this fish thing... I may be buying a little 10 gallon tank just as a hospital tank in case any of my fish get sick.

I knew you'd like that binary joke...

You know, every time you leave town on a trip, you should regale us at this site of a story from the road. Like the time you were so bored you videotaped yourself taking a bath, and somehow had no nudity throughout the course of the video... or so we're led to believe.

well, well, well. what do we have here? this place is looking pretty snazzy. i have a plan to frequent the salad more often since i now have a portal to the internet in my sleeping quarters.

im going to be completely honest with you. i thought that joke you wrote down there about the 10 types of people was hilarious. i read it three times and the whole time i was shaking my head, and whisper-laughing out of my nose.

this whole new interface thing is kinda neat too eh? the profile thing is cool and that random question thing is something i havent seen before. as much as i hate to quote two pop culture icons at the same time, i gotta say that im lovin it. bada bap bap ba.

but i'll be missing in action till thursday though because im off to beautiful grand rapids, manitoba for work. three motel nights of guitar tablature training and late-night tv.

16 May 2004

Wow, who knew that when I picked up Digital Cable that the two channels I'll have watched the most after two weeks would be Tech TV and Showcase Diva. Okay, so Showcase Diva is only because I happen to catch it every time they're showing Degrassi High, but Tech TV? I've never seen so many women who were both supremely dorky and frustratingly hot at the same time. That Morgan from X-Play? Man, that's the stangest combination of dorky and hot since I bought that Upper Deck Scottie Pippen/Jenna Von Oy card for two bucks from Cancentral.

Okay, if I didn't need a reminder as to why the NBA, which was once my supreme favorite sport, has fallen behind the NFL, CFL, NHL, WWE, CIS, IIHF, and MHSAA in terms of spectator sports, I've gotten a stark fucking reminder over the last three days. As far as I know, and as far as I've heard, and read, and been told by Bill Walton himself, you need AT LEAST 0.7 seconds to be able to catch and shoot. You also need at least 0.3 seconds just to tip the ball in. But apparantly, if you're the LA Lakers, you can have 0.4 seconds to catch and shoot to win the game. Fine, I'll live with that, if that's the worst that it can get...

But then watching game six, I left in disgust after two and a half quarters. It's bad enough that Kobe Bryant travels EVERY fucking time he penetrates. It's bad enough that if Karl Malone whines, he gets a technical, but if he whines EVEN MORE, the ref will change it to a double technical with Malone and Tim Duncan. It's bad enough that if Shaq assaults you it's a no call but if you get within three feet of Kobe it's a reach-in. And it's bad enough that Kobe, Phil Jackson and Shaq have the power to convince a referee to flip-flop on his calls. But when DEVEAN FUCKING GEORGE CAN GET A REF TO CHANGE HIS CALL, that's when it's time to call it quits. I was afraid that if I kept watching, Slava Medvedenko might ass-rape Hedo Turkoglu, only to have it be a foul on Turkoglu. He is from Turkey, after all.

I'm quickly becoming totally obsessed with my fish tank. I already want to increase my filtration and water movement levels by buying a Powerhead 402 and an Optima Air Pump. Yeah, this is my computer talk now!! Take your geek talk and your Wil Wheaton and your tech jokes (There are only 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't) and shove it!! BOOYAH!

15 May 2004

Check out this madness, this crazy roster:

Jose Theodore, JS Giguere, Marty Turco

Bryan McCabe, Sheldon Souray
Jay Bouwmeester, Adrian Aucoin
Brad Stuart, Chris Phillips
Scott Hannan, Steve Staios

Alex Tanguay, Vincent Lecavalier, Glen Murray
Todd Bertuzzi, Brendan Morrison, Paul Kariya
Scott Walker, Keith Primeau, Steve Sullivan
Brendan Shanahan, Daniel Briere, Rick Nash

What a crazy team, huh? You know who these guys are? These guys were the guys named to Canada's theoretical "B" Team for the World Cup of Hockey!! Why aren't we fielding two teams?